i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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