I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
