I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We have so much sex to catch up on
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
