Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
