I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize