I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
They have beer where we have blood.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
