FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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