I need to stop coming to work sober
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
