i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
