her vagine was all disorganized.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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