I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
