We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
