I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
