please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
