NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
