OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize