dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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