You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
