Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize