You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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