I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My penis needs a shock collar
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize