from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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