Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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