I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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