K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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