No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
