you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
COCAINE IS GR8
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
