piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
