My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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