it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
