Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize