Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
now i know why i became what i already was.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
