Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
