Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
