Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
