it wasn't lemon gatorade
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
