I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
