Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
