you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
