I think my fart just growled at me.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
