the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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