I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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