I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
