I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
