all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
