everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
