I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
