I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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