After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize