if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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