Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
