it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
