Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
