I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
