I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
pop tarts are not kleenex
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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