Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
