no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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