the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
