U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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