if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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