absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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