Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
